8 08 2008

I really hate being so afraid of myself!  I am horny all the time but today I’m exceptionally horny.  I went to work today without underwear.  Lots of men go commando and I wanted to try it out.  I’ve done it before and I’ve always ended up going back to my briefs.  Today, I went commando again, ’cause I really want to get in the habit.  My concerns on the subject were of floppage and discoloration.  Floppage is obvious, the snake, uncontainted, slithers to accomplish movement.  As for discoloration, well..  I’m 33 years old, and much to my dismay, there’s….  leakage…  when I’m finished pissing.  So I was wearing black jeans to work and I figured today was a safe day to give it a shot…  I’m thinking that dark color and thick fabrics (aka, jeans) are safe bets.

It actually went just fine as far as comfort goes, but the longer I went sans underroos the more sexual I began to feel.  (Also, oddly I had to pee a lot more than usual today, and I don’t know if that’s related or not.)

By the time the work days was over, I just wanted to go out and get laid!  But you see, I’m a gay virgin.  I’ve had sex with a woman and I know it’s not for me, but I’ve never had sex with a man, and while I’m sure it is for me, I’m still terrified.   I figured (and still do) that tonight will be just like any other horny night for me.  I’d come home and watch a little porn, or surf the net for a little bit till I found a good image, or cyber date and then I’d take care of myself.

Well, having been a closeted homo for a long time I have acquired a selection of sexual accoutrement that I make use of from time to time and, though every last item would be more fun to use with a partner I do enjoy a little…  self…  torture?  See I think I’d really enjoy a little mild S&M, or at least some bondage.   I’ve got restraints under my mattress, right now, but they’re kinda hard to use on yourself, so they just lie there ready and waiting.

Tonight I came home and dawned my leather chastity belt; a thong of sorts, made of leather, with a rear strap wide enough to prevent any kind of penetration, a solid cod peace with a whole for my junk and straps to hold my hard cock in place and a solid cover that is zipped on and locked into place along with the other straps of the unit.  At this moment, I could not touch my cock if I wanted to and it is hard (and I have to pee again)  I’ve been wearing it for about 45 minutes now.   It’s pretty hot, but it can only last for so long.  I also own and applied a leather collar which is currently strapped around my neck as well as a leather, spiked cock ring that is large enough to double as a wrist cuff until it is needed elsewhere.  I enjoy this, I just wish it was applied under someone else directive tonight.

I do dream of being a submissive, but not a slave.  I’ve read some of the postings of the real live slaves on this blog site, and I’m quite certain I do not wish to give up THAT MUCH control, or be subjected to that much discipline.  I could not live the life, but I would enjoy the play from time to time.  I also would like to take turns being the Dom and being the Sub.  Both rolls do sound appealing.

As I was driving home from work, thinking how fun it would be to drive naked, but I did not do, I also thought how much I wished I had the nerve to go out to a bar and take my chances.  I am afraid.  The fact is that I do not want to get any diseases, and I am not completely convinced of what I believe.  I’ve learned to accept that Gay is not wrong.  I’m not as convinced that promiscuity is not wrong.  I’d love to be able to surf Craigslist and find an ad that appeals and go for it.  I’d love to be able to go to a local gay bar and pick up on somebody.  I’d love to walk through a museum or a book store, or a grocery store, or a gas station and see a guy that turns me on, make eye contact, tilt my head and five minutes later be getting it on in the bathroom, like Justin did in the first season of Queer As Folk.  I’m just not that guy.  I’m scared.

Meanwhile I’m still horny!  I have withstood the torture long enough to boost my confidence while I write this post!  Did I mention I’m horny?  Now I must go and relieve the pressure, if you will.

It seems clear, from reviewing my Blog stats this last few weeks that I do have an audience.  So while I’m off rubbing one out, hows about you boys tell me, how you got your courage, and got the ball rolling.  And tell me how I can overcome my fear and get it on, myself!  Did I mention I’m horny!?!?!




2 responses

9 08 2008

Wow, I got all horny while reading your post.
Anyway I also find that I am easier aroused without jocks on.
Maybe you are worried about diseases as an excuse not to do it. I mean there are lots of safe ways to get off.
Have a drink and muster up the courage to go out. The first time is the hardest but then it gets easier.
happy hunting!

10 08 2008

hi there, i sure know what you mean! i myself have been looking forward to getting with a guy, but the act of sex with a man is still a little scary. i have had some fun – at a party or after a massage, where we have wanked each other off. and maybe that’s a good place to start if you haven’t done that yet. otherwise, ask some of your more accepting friends to arrange an evening with any gay friends they know. one of mine did that – and while i haven’t had sex yet, i have made new friends in the ‘right’ circle. hope you had a good wank 🙂

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